Monday, 20 April 2015
# 17 Questions...
The return journey was embedded in silence. I dropped her and came straight into my room without uttering a single word. Lay on my bed for a long time, not being able to figure out what to do. My feelings and my expectations had gotten mixed up. I felt messy. Ya exactly messy. I don’t know why but at that very moment I just thought of cursing the whole world and everyone around. Banging my head on the walls. Throwing my books away. I just didn’t know how to express my anger and frustration that was burning me inside. Every cell in my body was on fire. Is this the reward of my perseverance ? I questioned God.
Everyone except me seemed happy. Why does he put me in such circumstances which I never want to encounter. Why does he? What does he want to accomplish by all these varied tasks of his, destined in my fate ? What more he wants to teach me?
Every single day I see people around me happy, cheerful and leading life in a carefree way. Getting what they wish for. Not worrying about not getting it also. Neither concerned nor touched upon by anything happening around themselves. I feel jealous seeing them. What mistakes have I done to never get the feeling of happiness for a prolonged time. I think every time happiness steps into my life, the door closes after few moments driving it out. Leaving me stranded. What actually have been my mistakes ? I have never been able to figure out. Who knows if I ever will be.
My mind was lost in thoughts. So was I. Checked my phone. There were numerous missed calls from different numbers. I hadn't gone to the department. Somehow I opened up the laptop and was preparing my self to write an email to my HOD. Though I had to submit an written explanation later, I can manage with a mail now.
My inbox opened. And there awaited an email from Smitha. I stared blankly at the laptop screen, before finally clicking on it.
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