# 20 Together

Ritesh would have told you about the same what my cousin would have informed him. But what he wouldn’t have is what happened afterwards.

When events that are going to change the course of your life take place around you and you remain uninvolved what do you consider that to be. Everybody looked happy or they pretended so. Well I could differentiate. But had nothing to convey. I was like a ship lost in the deep blue ocean.  There was nobody I could lean on. Convey my thoughts. They asked for my opinion but in reality it never mattered. As everybody considered me to be too lucky to have gotten what I have always got. People they only see what they want to. Interpret things that put them at ease. Discuss what either strengthens their position or cripples someone else’s.

The political alliance couldn’t see the light of the day. So did the marital one. Celebrations saw an abrupt end. Show lights were taken off even before they could glow. The ring was removed. Returned as a token of humiliation. Within the fresh painted smell of the walls slowly a pungent stink adhered to my senses. I was unable to visualize my future. Because it depended on people who were depended on something else. Nothing was going the way it was planned. As if it was planned to go unplanned. This continued for days. Then some more. And again more. All around the household it was only discussions that were taking place. Of various forms of various types. It was from one of such discussions I over heard the name of your family. Some said my family was being paid for it’s deeds. Karma they say. But what karma had both of us done to see days like that. I wasn't able to figure out.

Neither was I happy when the marriage was fixed nor was I when it broke. I wasn’t actually feeling anything. May be I had lost the feeling of feeling itself. What continued in the coming weeks were more alliances and more refusals for some or the other reason.My days had become mechanical. My only get away was the hospital where I was working. My PG rank wasn’t good enough to guarantee me with a seat in a desirable branch. It seemed as if the energies around me had conspired against me. There have been days, I haven’t even blinked my eyes the entire night. I just keep staring at the ceiling and the blades of the fan. Thinking how painful it might be for those who hang from there.  

Mind has an unique ability. To keep on moving in the direction once it starts. But sometimes the directions don’t let us move ahead. So, I decided to break the shackle and do so. This new place returned me back what I had lost. Though not everything. Nobody can. Amongst strangers I have found , what I couldn’t among my own people. And I found you too. Again.

Many a times when I think about the relationship that we share, I smile on my own. How can two people be together even without being together. When people around us live together but aren’t together at all. Surprising, isn’t it. I have always believed, there exists things that aren’t easy to comprehend. Neither easy to explain. Which only few can experience and few can understand. Because few relationships travel beyond words.

Smitha…

Linking up the post with  A-Z Challenge

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